Validation

As a healer, I am always in need of help from healing from my own wounds. In order to give to others, I need to take care of myself so that I actually have something to give. Sounds like a simple concept, but I ignored this wisdom and ended up with some nasty after effects. Caregivers, don't forget to take care of yourselves! Truly.

So I was trying a new healing therapy that I had heard about last Wednesday. It was helpful, but not as powerful as Reiki or hypnotherapy. I finished the process glad that I had tried it, but I knew it wasn't something I needed to continue. What was most bothersome was the healer's reaction to my session.

At the end, she said, "Well, for some people they really need more sessions to clear out traumas. But you really have had a peaceful life." She emphasized several times that the traumas that came up for me were not a big deal and that I have it pretty good.

On the one hand, I agree. I'm sure she has helped people try to recover from the pain of rape, abuse, neglect, and all other kinds of atrocities. Yes, I have had a blessed life in comparison.

But when someone tells me that my pain is not a big deal, does that make my pain disappear? No, not at all. Instead, it makes me feel as if my pain has been insignificant, as if it doesn't matter. As if it is invalid. Except that my pain is not at all invalid for me. It is very, very real.

So I left with a stab of hurt and a new lesson. It's extremely important as a healer that I put myself in the healed position so that I can honor what it feels like to be counseled and coached into moving forward. The whole experience made me start to run through my own experiences with others. Have I ever invalidated anyone? Have I made someone's pain feel small? Unimportant? God, I hope not. It's a pretty crappy feeling and it stings.

I share this with you not to shame the healer. I didn't provide her name or even the healing process because my point is not at all to call out someone else's mistake. Instead, I hope we can all learn from this experience. I will be very, very careful in the future never to make someone feel like their struggles are small or silly. I hope you can pass on this idea in your own interactions with others.