"I'm not gone! I'm right here!"

For those of you who are linked up with Body and Soul Chicago on Facebook, you already know about the sudden passing of my cousin John. John is a sweet, hilarious guy who although his age is 23, his personality is more like a child.

Notice that I'm not saying what John was, but what he is. He will give me a piece of his mind if I was to say it any other way.

I am honored that I was able to help my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins heal from their grief by talking to John even during his wake and funeral. It was beautiful to see the healing on both sides; as John was able to deliver important messages to his family, they were able to heal that much more quickly at the same time John was able to get more peace. Everybody wins, and I was blessed to be the woman in the middle, witness to all of it.

As my Aunt said, "John, you were always a good son," John screamed right back, "I am a good son! I'm not gone! I'm still here!"

During the funeral, John's stepmom spoke about his love of sunflowers. It shouldn't have surprised me that my husband brought home a sunflower cookie cake the same night I returned from his services. Of course it's John at work. When I asked if it was difficult to get my husband to do that, he laughed and said it was "so easy." Some of us are easier to reach than others. He gets a kick out of saying hi this way; it's like a game to him. He's declared sunflowers as his symbol, so he told me to expect to see them all the time now. Thanks John.

So here are the pearls of wisdom that I hope you can gather from my experience in losing the physical form of a dear cousin:

• Our loved ones are still around, still exist, but we just can't always see or hear them. Please talk about them in the present tense and speak with them. They are listening and they love to be honored.
• Don't dismiss those weird signs, like Aunt Sonia's favorite song on the radio just as you were thinking of her, or grandma's favorite ladybugs always crossing your path. This is a hello from heaven! It's your loved ones wanting to make you smile. Our logic wants to dismiss these "coincidences." Don't do that. Their love and continued connection with us is real.