Issues with self esteem and self worth take all kinds of bizarre forms. As I've been trying to get healthy by focusing on a vegan diet, restrictive calories, and an ambitious workout routine, I find myself longing for yoga and dancing classes. As much as I want to get involved in these activities, I also feel so out of shape and big that I anticipate failure before I've even started. So I decided that once I hit a certain magic number in my head, I will "reward" myself with yoga and dance classes.
On the one hand, it's great that I'm rewarding myself with activities instead of food, since food used to be my blanket reward for all things. But what's the problem here?
I really wonder if it's right to deny myself something that makes me healthy, gets me more comfortable with my body, and is something I would really love to do. Although it looks like I have a logical explanation for a delay, I really think this is a worthiness issue in disguise. In fact, I think there's beauty in going for it. Perhaps by doing things that a healthy body would do, I will then inhabit a healthy body. Revolutionary, right?
So to throw this back at you, what do you really want, but are denying yourself under the false belief that you are not worthy?
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